Unproductive

I've been frequenting various author/writing blogs lately in my novel-writing mission, but have found that I feel fairly depressed after browsing too many of them. Now this could merely be due to the fact that they actually procrastinate the very thing they advocate, ie actual, real Writing. Or, it could be something more, something whch seems to strike at the heart of me.

These blogs are exhausting. All written by successful people with twenty zillion followers and thousands of perfect widgets proclaiming their great accomplishments; top ten bloggers ever, fifty books published, their perfect life of writing. Then, across their headers, there's more evidence of their triumphs in this brutal market - their international speaking schedule, their competition wins, their Goodreads page along with endorsements from Famous Folk. They've arrived.

And they tell us that we must do similar, if we want to succeed in any way with our writing. We must spend every waking minute gathering and coddling our millions of Twitter fans, and if we have under five thousand then we might as well give up, because our book just won't sell. Not only that, but we must build platforms on Google Plus, Instagram, Goodreads, Youtube, Facebook and everywhere else it is possible to build a social media presence. And then there's our blog. It must be good. It must be professional, and it must show evidence of our faithful followers.


My heart shrinks a little inside when I read these, because I know this is just beyond me, beyond my capabilities, physically. When it comes to social media self-promotion, I am Unproductive. It seems to me that society requires so much productivity of a person in order to be successful - or in order to be in any way deserving of anything at all, possibly. Those in society who are seen as Unproductive are banded together and shoved to one side; the Undeserving. When it comes to matters such as welfare, sections of the media like to play up the unproductivity of the undeserving - they have not tried, thus it is their fault, thus they are undeserving. Why should we help such people?

Sadly, this tends to enclose many people who are sick and disabled, and to society's eyes may be unproductive. Somehow, society have twisted things here so we see the most needy, the most sick as deserving and somehow heroic, but the long term sick, especially those with fluctuating conditions, are often seen as the opposite to this. They just don't try hard enough. Remember all the stuff going around about the Paralympians - they're disabled but they have tried. They are Deserving. But you haven't. Why not?

The truth is, being long term sick is completely exhausting in a way that is hard to explain. It's not like tiredness, more like a constant flu like feeling, taking over your life. That's why when I look at the requirements it seems it is needed to be an author, I want to close my laptop and wipe the lot. I can't do this, because my body isn't strong enough. Sitting at a computer all day blogging and tweeting may not seem a huge burden, but to someone with long term sickness I can promise that it is a burden much too far. On a bad day, I cannot open my computer. On a less bad day, I can read a bit of Facebook. On a slightly better day I can manage the odd blog post or some work on my books. On my best days I can do a lot more of this, and sometimes catch glimpses into what life might look like if it could always be like this. But because my condition is annoyingly fluctuating, I cannot be consistent. I cannot give this kind of commitment to something. Does that mean it's impossible for me to do this? I'm also grateful for the fluctuating nature of it, because it means I get time off, or at least down time where I feel well. Ish. It's good.

People who are long term ill are not undeserving. In general, they are just beyond shattered. They are trying to live day to day, trying their best to get through, to accomplish the smallest of tasks, and to cope. To then be faced with the media casting these kind of aspersions on them could be the straw that breaks the camel's back for them. I plead with our government, with our media to remember everyone has a story, everyone has humanity. Everyone is valued, not for what they do, but who they are. I'd include those who are seen as undeserving but aren't necessarily physically ill in this. They have a story. They are people. I believe they are made in God's image, and I believe in grace, not only rewarding the deserving. I'd love to see a world where grace shone through. Another subject for another time, perhaps.

Meanwhile, I may as well keep chasing the book thing. It's a bit Rejection City round here though, so I may just sit and mope instead.

Paralympics Meanderings

How fabulous are the Paralympics?

I love seeing how the athletes have worked so hard and triumphed over such adversity. They are inspirational. It's quite staggering to see how far some of them have come in their lives and their sport. And - well, they're fantastic athletes.

However, there is something of a backlash amongst the disabled and chronically sick community, especially as regards to one of the Paralympic sponsors, Atos Healthcare. One has to wonder why a company that has a £112 million contract to assess sick and disabled people for DLA and ESA, yet costs the taxpayer £60 million in appeals against decisions, 40% of which are successful, have been allowed to sponsor such an event. Especially considering the fact that many of the athletes making up TeamGB will have relied on Disability Living Allowance throughout their lives in order to do what they have done and become the athletes they have succeeded in becoming.

DLA is not an out of work benefit, it is a benefit helping disabled people to live lives with some possibility of fulness, not to mention to keep them alive. Disabled and chronically sick people need extra money just to keep existing with their disabilities. Transport, heating, technical aids, carers. The list goes on. And yet Atos have been tasked with assessing people on this benefit - even those given a lifelong award, with doctors' support - with the end view of reducing it by 20%. Even though fraud rate has been assessed at around 0.5%. Figures don't add up? Go figure....

I'll post a video explaining it more, for those who are interested. This video explains Atos' role more clearly, against the backdrop of a protest by disabled people that took place yesterday.

Equally concerning me in all this, and running throughout it, is the attitudes being fostered towards sick and disabled people. While it's great to comment on how the athletes have come through difficult situations and achieved incredible goals, there is an underlying rhetoric taking place which fits nicely with Atos' seeming aims. Basically, that disabled people can achieve such things, so if you're not, you're not trying hard enough. You're so much use, you're a scrounger, because you haven't given it your all, like these people, you haven't triumphed over your own personal adversity. You're sick: So what? So are they!

It's a worrying trend which is intensifying through society, from welfare cuts to newspaper articles. But think about it. You wouldn't think this about an able bodied, healthy person, that because they weren't running like Mo Farah they weren't trying hard enough? It's scary when you feel judged on being ill and judged even more on not trying hard enough to not be ill. Or to be fabulous anyway, within your illness.

I sometimes wonder if this attitude is somewhat prevalent in the church, too. The whole 'pull up your socks and get on with it' thing. Amidst praising the triumphant, we need to remember those who, for whatever reason, simply cannot triumph, or at least triumph in the way we may want them to. Remember those who are too sick to work, and even too sick to go out, and who are stuck there, and no amount of talking up what people 'can' do as opposed to 'cannot' will help them be able to. It also leads into the whole area of usefulness and uselessness. Seeing reports of such bravery can be very inspirational and can encourage someone to go for it; but we need to remember that for some it simply feeds into their own sense of uselessness. I will never be able to do something like this, I will never be able to work, I will never be able to contribute. I am useless.

I've had times of thinking like this (still do, on a fairly regular basis) and know how it is to be trapped in a body that simply won't. Simply won't ever be a body of an athlete, whatever I do, however hard I try. It's not possible for me. But does that make me of lesser worth than the athlete? Society is at risk of beginning to categorise sick and disabled people: Those who can, those who can't, those who won't, those who are worthless. Does church do that too?

I know someone who doesn't....

Benefit Scroungers R Us

I am seriously worried about the future. Not so much for me, because I am blessed to have the support I have, but for those people suffering from chronic illnesses and disability who are running out of options.

You may think I am being somewhat over dramatic here, but in reality, there is a problem, and it is being hidden, and there is a systematic assault on the very people who need protecting most. But the news doesn't report this. The voices are dim, the fights are weak. The most vociferous are often the most suffering. And this is wrong.

A couple of weeks back there was a march against the DLA/ESA reform in London, called the Hardest Hit. It barely featured in the 1 O Clock news, let alone the 6/10pm slots. Was almost one of those afterthoughts - those 'aah, isn't this nice, people in wheelchairs out for the day' type things. And then came the Daily Mail type comments; 'if they can get down to London to protest, they can jolly well work and stop scrounging off the taxpayers money'. There is a lack of empathy pervading society that shocks me and leaves me cold, and yet this could be just round the corner for any one of us.

I had a look at the new proposed criteria for the 'Personal Independence Plan' and only became more worried about the narrowing of criteria and the loss of dignity this will inevitably bring. I fear that many will now be caught in a trap; that of not being 'disabled enough' to gain disability benefits, and yet being too ill to be employed, not being able to get JSA because of not being able to get to the Jobcentre due to illness or lack of mobility, having lost mobility allowance....and so on, and so on. A vicious circle of ever decreasing proportions which may leave some at best housebound and despairing and at worst - well, let's not go there. As a society which prides itself on looking after its most vulnerable citizens, we are in danger of falling into a pit of unseen depths. If you still think I am being dramatic, please take some time to read this to see how this is already affecting thousands.

For me as a Christian, this is affecting me so much because of how we see people. Are people valuable, or are they commodities? Do people matter because they are people, because they are who they are, or because of what they can bring to society? As someone who believes all are made in God's image and all are inexplicably precious and amazing, it feels like these reforms may be devaluing and cutting off those who cannot fight for themselves, and this is utterly contrary to God's ways.

For me as someone with chronic illness, this is affecting me so much because I am reliant; on my family and on society as a whole to live. Perhaps for those who have no support system their thinking will soon verge on whether they have any value at all, whether it is worth fighting, whether it is better to give up, and stop burdening others.

I am worried about the future. The future looks cold. What are we going to do about it?