The children have it right...

Watching Children in Need last night with the Adventurous Pair caused me to think upon how children have a natural sense of justice and fairness and a horror at what is blatantly wrong. All through the show I was heading off cries of 'pleeeeease mummy, please donate again, come on, how can you not' and various other emotional blackmail-ish types of statements ;)

Some might say that this is because children are easily influenced, but I think it's due to their God-given sense of fair play. Us adults have often become somewhat jaded and cynical and downright apathetic about these things, but there is nothing like a child in tears at a film of another child with a disability to help one regain some perspective on the world. Maybe we need to listen to the children more.

This was reinforced to me the other day when watching one of Adventurous Girl's literacy lessons. The children were challenged in groups to research somebody involved in civil rights. All the groups approached the task with great interest and you could sense the outrage rising as they found out facts about people such as Martin Luther King and Ghandi. Adventurous Girl's scathing and unbelieving remarks about apartheid would match any passionate politician and doubtless come from a purer agenda. I wonder if this is closer to what God's heart is like; the innocence of a child facing harsh realities and responding with tears and stark unbelief. Maybe we should listen to the children more and allow ourselves to feel it again the way we once did. Maybe then we might get up and do something more. Who knows.

A Life in a Day

I've been avoiding blogging lately, mostly because I've felt I have had little to say beyond the 'oh, I feel rubbish again' type of thing. I wanted this blog to be all inspiring and extraordinary, but actually, in general life isn't like that. Maybe I should post on more of those days when I have nothing much to say. Maybe not. Either way, it's been one of those relegated-to-bottom-of-to-do-list items.

However, I did watch something extraordinary last night and it broke through the lethargy of my non-blogging state of mind. It was the film of Life in a Day which asked people all over the world to send in videos of themselves going about their ordinary lives on one particular day, 24th July 2010. When Adventure Bloke mentioned it I thought it might be a bit meh, but having watched it was immensely moved, and reminded of the power of the human spirit to triumph over adversity and make the best of things. The image of a child snuggling down to sleep in the fishing boat they lived and work in, with a big smile on her face, is one which will stay with me. And it just captured so many different people in different situations, cheerful and despairing, the whole breadth of human experience.

I believe there is that spirit because it comes from the Spirit who breathed life into us, a God of endless creativity, energy and hope. Seeing people singing as they worked in the most difficult of circumstances reminded me of the hope Jesus brings now for all, the hope of a better day, of a time when all will be well.

You'll have to watch it for yourself :)

Meanwhile, maybe I'll apply some of that positivity to my own situation and live fully for each day, whether ill or well. I really want to, but it's hard to know how to sometimes when you are stuck in a day with no spoons. As most of my days seem this way at present I'm a bit weary of it all.

But I'll endeavour to take a leaf from Adventure Girl's book. She is plagued with psoriasis at the moment, really covered in it and things aren't easy but her cheerful spirit always shines through everything she goes through. Now to catch some of that...

Being (sometimes) beats doing.

I'm having a poorly week. Lungs infected again and this time it's hit me pretty hard. For nearly 4 days I've hardly been able to crawl out of bed, though I made it downstairs last night in a somewhat jelly like state. What it did mean is that I couldn't do anything on the To Do list I'd been stressing over at the end of last week, and had to leave things be.

Now, at first, this frustrates me greatly. I am far too much an activist to be ill, and yet I'm ill so much you'd have thought I'd have learned by now to sit back and be graceful and lovely or something. But instead I mutter and annoy Tim about the mess downstairs and the to do pile. That is unless it's a really bad day, in which case I'll say nothing at all and give him some peace ;)

This time however, I've found something different. I found I could connect with God again. How does this work? In the last few weeks I've been busy but praying, but finding God's presence just...well, wasn't there. Or was, but not anywhere I could find it. Even in the asking. But it's when I get really poorly I finally find what I have been searching for. Just gently, just whispers, senses, something changing in the atmosphere, and suddenly I know it. God's with me.

Now, I know, of course, that this is always the case, but let's face it, it's not something that's always tangible. So here's the question: Why is it that it's in the time of the most suffering that God reveals Godself more tangibly? God could just heal me, or something, but instead there's this amazing grace, this gentle love, this awesome presence weaving through my pain. I almost think these times are a gift in some way.

Now, this doesn't happen every time I'm ill, don't get me wrong. There will be those times I just feel devoid of it all and wonder where God is anyway and grumble and feel generally sorry for myself. But just occasionally there is this grace, if I allow it. And it's pretty good.

So where does that leave me? Is being poorly better than being well? Is being better than doing? Well....hmmmm. No, being ill is not better. I'd have happy lungs if I could. But I think we could all do well to stop sometimes. To slow down and be, and let God find us in that vulnerability and lack of activism.

When I get better and get up will I remember this? Maybe. Or maybe I'll start stressing about my to do list. There must be a balance somewhere, I feel...

What do you do?

Whenever I go someplace new or meet new people, I always get The Question, and I have come to dread it somewhat. The question 'what do you do?' It's like we as a society buy into all the 'what we do defines us' stuff, and it comes out in the first question we ask a new person.

Now, I'm not completely innocent of this myself. Let's face it, it's often a conversation starter, and can help get a picture of a person. But for the person who doesn't feel able to respond with anything much it can be at best cringeworthy and at worst depressing or even terrifying. You're stood there thinking 'she'd going to ask what I do in a minute, and I'm going to have to say nothing, and she's going to be thinking this or that' etc. When in all reality we know they won't really be thinking very much at all apart from the mechanics of being friendly, because that is generally all it is.

I think there's something deeper behind the whole question that makes those who feel they don't 'do' less than useful. It's like you have to do to be worthy, to be productive, to contribute to society. But do you? Is your worth in your productivity? I think not.

Creativity and productivity are of course important and beneficial to our humanity. But there is the question of who we are which goes deeper than anything we do. For me, how God sees me is 100% more important than any label I can give myself, and I know that God's more concerned with stuff like compassion and justice than whether I have a job. And so that's what I'll strive towards, even in my worst times.

I keep pondering on good answers to The Question. For a while I really rebelled and told people I 'slobbed round watching Jeremy Kyle and eating cake all day', and for a while decided to be honest and tell people I used to teach but now I can't because I have lung disease. But I don't really like that one because it has undertones of not being any use any more. It's also possibly a bit in your face to start listing health woes as soon as you meet someone, poor individual! So I generally mutter a bit about working in a team with Tim, doing bits and bobs of admin and voluntary work and web stuff etc, but that's muffing it all up really, and again coming up with something that is endeavouring to label what I do, endeavouring to sound like I am of use.

One day I'll have the bravery to answer something such as 'what do I do? You mean who am I? A child of God.' And that is where it's at, because I don't need to be more than that.

However, I know in reality I'll keep dreading it and keep avoiding it and keep giving half answers. Because I'm English, and polite, and all that, and not very brave really. Never mind.

Days Like These

So, what do I do with days like these?

Today is officially our Day Off, so I am officially allowed to relax. I also seem to have picked up a chest infection and feel that slight run-over-by-a-bus sensation, so that kind of puts a dampener on stuff like going out for lunch or mucking around the garden.

So why do I feel slightly guilty about....ahem....doing Nothing? I am poorly, but not poorly enough to be utterly laid out. If that was so, I would be nowhere near this puter. I am in an in-betweeny stage of poorliness, which is very annoying. There's a part of me telling me that I should be Being Productive, and not in the physio sense (Brussians will get this) But the other part saying chill, it's OK to Mumsnet all day, it's OK to watch rubbish daytime TV and it's OK to download more books onto my Kindle.

So on days like these, I need to find a way of being that doesn't make me feel bad about not doing stuff like starting to be Pioneer-ish. On days like these, perhaps it's OK to say that I have few spoons, so I will watch This Morning, drink tea and Be Happy.

Pioneers R Us!

Since the Adventurous Pair are back at school, and I no longer have the excuse of the mania of school hols and moving, I thought I had better re-start this neglected blog.

I wanted to as well because I am so excited about our new life here in Priorslee. It's mixed with so many emotions, sadness at leaving Stoke amongst them, but it's great to see how so many of the little things have worked out so well so far <almost like there's a God, or something ;D)

Last night Adventure Bloke officially became a pioneer minister, although he thinks that he too should have been presented with a large bag of maltesers to 'make him strong for the task ahead', as Adventurous Pair were, to their delight (especially after being told they were being given rice pudding.) The Licensing Service was awesome, I think, although I may be a leetle biased. All those who took part did a sterling job and made it into such a powerful and inspiring evening. Pioneer Ministry is a very different animal to being a vicar in an established church, and it was great that the service reflected that. I loved that we were commissioned as a family, God's call is on all of us.

But now we are Pioneers, what do we do next?

Please phone or text with any answers.....:D

We can't wait to get stuck in, actually, and see what God's up to here in Priorslee, who's in it with us, where we go from here. Bring it on.

Pondering on endings

So, we're in the very last week of school. Adventure Girl was sent off from Guides in style on Friday and Adventure Boy from Beavers yesterday. They both had mixed feelings; happiness from the love and care shown to them and the fun they've had, sadness from moving on. Adventure Boy says to me 'what if the new Beavers don't like me? Or don't do football?' Much as I can assure him they will, my feelings are with his, and I find myself thinking 'what if they don't like me? What if the school gate mums ignore me?' <Funnily enough, not 'what if they don't do football?>

It's such a time of bittersweet wonderings. Stoke has been amazing. I love the people here. I can only stand back in wonder and see what God has done. How can I go on from this place into the unknown? Especially to such a role - a church plant? Sometimes I'm overcome with excitement. More often, I'm left thinking 'what on earth are we doing?'

But today I am sad. The school week is crammed with last things. I can't get to many due to spoons being in short supply this week, but I'll do what I can. Tears are near!

It's not really an ending though, I suppose. It's all just part of God's great plan, and woven in with where we were before and where we will be next. A step on the journey. A stage in the Great Adventure. And so we can do it, we can embrace it, we can go for it.

But a little piece of me will always be in Stoke.